When Your Parents Die

It happens to all of us. Death is a part of life. Even if you know it’s coming, nothing prepares you for the death of your parent, or any loved one.

When I was 11 years old, my father died in a sudden and tragic way. He committed suicide. The circumstances around his death were just as horrible as the death itself.

Continue reading “When Your Parents Die”

Psychiatric Meds: Good or Bad?

If you take any medication for your mental health, you’ve probably heard some of these: “you don’t need to take that”, “those drugs are dangerous “, “I don’t believe in taking that stuff”, or “do you really want to be addicted to those meds?”

Continue reading “Psychiatric Meds: Good or Bad?”

Why I’m still single

I was married once. Technically for 12 years. We divorced 8 years ago. And I’m still single. I am 48 years old.

When my marriage was breaking up I fully believed that I would remarry in about 2 years. I have dated, but did not have a real relationship with a man until just 6 months ago. I was completely single for 7 and a half years.

I love my boyfriend but don’t see us getting married. We may be together, but not marry. I have no idea. Why did it take me 7 and a half years to find a boyfriend?

I have bipolar II. And ADHD. And anxiety. I am self aware enough to know that I am not always easy to be around. Although I take meds, I still can have sudden mood swings or just get extremely emotional.

I never know what wil trigger it. It maybe a scene in a movie. It maybe someone saying something to me that hurts my feelings. I can burst into tears or yell. Usually, I’m very laid back and not so sensitive. I really am. Sometimes I will just snap.

So I have trouble with romantic relationships. Many times, I have met a perfectly good man and impulsively dismissed him because of a text that he sent that I didn’t like. Then later upon reflection I’ll regret my rash dismissal of him.

Other times I’ll meet a guy, like him, but he end up dismissing me. I’ll be very hurt. Then I’ll realize I’d done or said something very over-dramatic. Or angry. Or crazy. Most men don’t want to date a woman who is normal most of the time, then without warning or reason, behaves in a very bipolar way.

Finally, last New Year’s Eve I met Shannon. He is so incredibly laid back that he’s usually okay with my erratic behavior. Oh we fight. Then we make up. We love each other. He just “gets” me. I don’t have to fake it around him.

I believe that people who have mental illnesses generally have more relationship problems than others because our “normal” partners just don’t understand us. And let’s face it, people tend to run from someone who can be moody, irrational, impulsive…

So long ago, I accepted the fact that I may not ever remarry. I may grow old alone. The thought of that does make me feel sad. I hope I don’t grow old alone. But if it happens, it happens. I honestly enjoy being alone. I have lots of friends. I’ll be okay.

She was just being bipolar!

Recently, my boyfriend and I started a business. He does the work and I handle the marketing and the business side. We were spending a lot of time together. He was exhausted and stressed and he began to treat me like shit.

I was patient. But I felt hurt, taken for granted. Finally I blew up. I sent him several long texts over 2 days. I told him I was done. With the business and the relationship. I understand if your loved one is extremely anxious and tired, they may snap at you. But this was happening every day.

He finally apologized and we made up. Later when we talked about it, he said he understood why I’d quit because I was just “being bipolar”. But I wasn’t having an episode. My points were valid. Then he admitted to me when I had sent him those long, late night texts telling him how hurt I was….he hadn’t even read them.

Maybe I’d been a bit dramatic. But that’s my personality. That’s not my illness.

Will he ever take me seriously when I’m really happy, angry or sad?

Stereotypes of Bipolar Women